Irritable Blog Syndrome

Things They Don't Teach You In Kindergarten

2010-01-28T10:04:00.006-06:00

A man in a toque (don't you DARE call it a "beanie" unless you're rocking a propeller on top of that baby) is always hotter than a man NOT in a toque. I think this is unfair. I don't have anything so simple that I can throw on that makes me 10x hotter, instantly. UNFAIR.
Some men can be the biggest babies. I'm aware that we women have our fair share of moments. But come on. Save the hissy fit for something more important than me forgetting which town you live in when I've NEVER spoken to you and we've only exchanged, "Hey"s. I thought WE were supposed to be the more sensitive sex.
I wish men automatically understood that so many things that they consider "flaws" with themselves, SOME girls actually see those quirks as positive things and would never EVER consider them a flaw.
Put a musical instrument in a man's hands and he grows 5x hotter. If he knows what to DO with that instrument... 10.
I'd rather get a fancy pants bookmark, because my guy notices how much I read, rather than a heart shaped diamond necklace, because my guy saw it in the weekly flier.
My oldest child just turned 18 today, and while most of me rejoices with her, at her newfound adulthood... there's a part of me that feels like my heart's been ripped out and stomped on. And I'm not ashamed to say so.
There's a time and a place for hardcore medication. Only you know when you're at that point. Nobody else. So y'all that are the "everybody else"... either be quiet or I will throw bottles of wussy Tylenol at you until you do.
A best friend... a TRUE best friend... will do literally ANYTHING in the name of love and friendship. She's probably seen as much of your body as your guy has (and no, I don't mean in a 3 way. Go live your own fantasy. That one isn't mine.) When you say "I want a hot dog" at 7 am, she doesn't give you any crap about it... she just makes you a hot dog and prepares for any possible aftermath (but there never is any). She'll fix you beverage after beverage just trying to find the magical ONE thing that you can swallow and not throw up and will attempt to keep you hydrated and out of the hospital by saying encouraging things like, "Your hair looks awful. Don't you wanna wash it first?" "How long has it been since you painted your nails? They're all chipped!" "Do you even OWN matching pajamas? Because I can't find any!" Those 3 phrases will make any female attempt to keep as much liquid in her as possible to avoid the horrors of the hospital.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

2010-01-20T05:39:00.002-06:00

Certainly not Ghostbusters...

It dawned on me tonight that while the internet is amazing for so many things... it's also changed things in some negative ways.

Very few people take the time to sit down and write out actual Thank You cards... or Invitations. We tend to make our "friends" based on who's up while we're up, and those people probably don't live near us. I mean, don't get me wrong, a ton of good has come from it. More good than bad. But we've lost so many simple BASE things that we used to take for granted.

In particular, I was wondering what would happen if I went to the hospital tonight. And I was scared. And didn't want to be alone. Who would I call?
Honestly, I can't think of a soul in town (this is not including my daughters, of course. I mean a grownup who can drive and such). I've no idea where I stand with several people, so I'd avoid that. I finally came up with "Kevin". I think he'd be here for me, though even he would have a bit of a drive. At least he's somebody that I can imagine doing that for me. When I try to imagine other people that technically *should* be there for me... I just don't SEE them. So that part sucks.

I just know I'd want to wake up with somebody half laying on the bed with me, curled around me, making sure I felt okay. And when I try to picture that person... it's Kevin. Now... I don't know how HE would feel about that little revelation. LOL But he doesn't know about this blog, so it doesn't matter.

This is what happens when I have too much time to think.....

Personal Ads

2010-01-04T07:44:00.003-06:00

Personal Ads. Don't lie.... if you're ever been single in the past 10 years, you've made a profile if for NO other reason than "just to take a peek". We all want to know if we know people with an ad up! That victory you feel when you get to exclaim, "OH MY GOD, I know her!!"

But... for right now, at least, I'm talking about "serious" personal ads and some things I've encountered that leave me scratching my head.

First, let me fully admit that I DO have an active personal ad. It DOES generate a lot of traffic. And I HAVE gone out with some guys I've met from there. Kissed a couple of frogs, and a couple of princes. I don't mean the "... and they all lived happily ever after" prince. Just... not a frog, prince. I'm REALLY not looking for anything in a hurry (and you KNOW this is when it'll happen. It always happens when I've vowed that it won't). I have really slowed my roll and am just enjoying the dating part. Everything's honest. Out in the open. Before it gets *too* serious, I do ask that we at least commit to being "off the market" for now. Not asking for a ring on my finger, but I think what I'm asking isn't much and I've not had even one guy give me flack about it. Actually, it's getting pretty heavy with the latest one, and I do need to have "the talk" to clarify that we aren't seeing other people. If he wants to see other people, then he doesn't need to be wasting his time seeing me. That's all.

Anyway... some things that made me go "Hrmmm". Or "Hahahahahah!"

1.) If you message me, and all you say is "You're so hot" (or worse... "UR SO HOTT"), then really, please don't sit there expecting a reply. Hell will freeze over first. My profile gives you PLENTY of things you can throw in there. I'm glad you think I'm hot, which by the way, only has 1 "t" at the end. But c'mon... come up with just ONE more sentence and I may reply.

2.) The horrible misspellings. I understand. We ALL make typos. Hell we all make blatant spelling errors (thank heavens for firefox, because it catches mine), but when you don't know the difference between threw/through, know/no... I feel like I'm grading papers and I get too distracted to know what you're saying.

3.) You won't believe me on this one, but I promise it's true, and I'm telling you anyway. The site I'm on "encourages" these men (yes, they coach them on "safe" topics and "not safe" topics) to discuss where they'd like to take me on our first date. I have gotten no less than 40 different men who want to "take me to the beach and just walk along the water, looking up at the stars". Ummm, the last time I checked, Arkansas was a landlocked state. The nearest beach is 10 hours away in Gulfport, MS. Are we really going to drive 10 hours for our first date? That's a LOT of uncomfortable silence if we don't hit it off, Dude. Anyway, I know they're just trying to sound romantic, but *maybe* they ought to think it through more before coming up with these little gems.

4.) Pet peeve I didn't know I had until being on a dating site. I know I'm old fashioned, in the fact that I love that there are "women's roles" and "men's roles" and I fully support that. I don't mind people that DON'T. But I'm old fashioned like that. However... this drives me nuts. Ok, I live in a VERY small town with nothing to do. THEY KNOW THIS. And if they DON'T know this, when we start talking about a date, I TELL THEM this. I apologize for the lack of entertainment, etc. Sometimes, depending on the guy, I'll offer to drive halfway.
Peeve: I have had SO MANY men who just casually say, "Well hey, drive up/down here to my place (always about a 3 hour drive and I drive a not so reliable car) and you can spend the night here and we'll like, hang out and stuff. Now... I always make it CLEAR with these men that there won't be any sex, so they know that isn't gonna happen. But I just think it's SO RUDE, ESPECIALLY on a first date to expect the girl to do ALL the driving?! YOU asked ME out. YOU are the man. Freaking suck it up and deal with my podunk town for once. Maybe NEXT time, I will drive to your house and we'll hang out. I did have one man offer to come get me and TAKE me to his house, but that worried me too. What if we didn't get along? What if he scared me? I'd be 3 hours away and have NO car. I don't think that's a good idea. Anyway, I am proud to report that there ARE still gentlemen in this world who wouldn't DREAM of having me drive on ANY dates and they deal with my ridiculous little town with it's nothing to do.

5.) There's a place to check your body type. Since when did "average" become "morbidly obese"? I have no issue with your weight. But BE HONEST about it. I can't stand lies. I knew girls did it all the time, but guys? C'mon and man up, men! Embrace every lb you have and just be honest. It's not like I won't see it if we DO have a date. Are you gonna wear a Spanx??

6.) 45 can look like 60 or it can look like 35. It's AMAZING to me the differences between 45s. I've seen 37s that look old enough to be my grandfather. And been asked out by 25 year olds. C'mon guys... let's pull it together! My favorite was a 65 year old man who told me that he realized he was a little older than me, but that I should give him a chance because he's "young at heart". Ok... I'm a very young 39. So you'd have to be like... dipped in the fountain of youth for this to work out. EVER. And besides... that's right at my mama's age. Ask HER out instead. There's no WAY I'd go over 45.

7.) They say what the men are looking for. I love the 45 year olds that are looking for girls that are 20 to 39. Um, YOU are 45. What's wrong with a 45 year old woman? Also... what the HELL are you gonna do with a 20 year old?? That's just a baby! Yuck! I mean, I definitely prefer younger men, or at least men whose ages have held up very well... good body, lots of working out (hypocrite, I know... I don't work out EVER, but my body's in good shape at least), face that isn't as wrinkled as a Shar Pei... things like that. I like em youngish. But 20?!?! That's a line even *I* wouldn't cross. In fact, it's so far from MY line, it isn't even funny.

Anyway, like I said, right now it's just enjoying the moment. Until somebody asks me to kick it up a notch commitment-wise, I'm just going to enjoy the dating. I don't see anything wrong with that, and I never really got to DO that, so I *am* enjoying it. I'm always honest with them. They know if I'm seeing other people.

I have a feeling though... and call it womens intuition or whatever you like... that I'm going to be doing just fine with this "dating" plan, when VERY soon a man is going to come along and just totally sweep me off my feet and want to buckle down into a commited family type relationship asap. I pinky swear that I will not jump headfirst into something I don't know about. Everybody will be checked out thoroughly and even approved (or disapproved) by my friends. Not that my friends get the final say... but they certainly get to HAVE some say and to genuinely have my full attention and consideration for what they have to say about the situation.

Love is a battlefield. That should totally be a song. Oh wait! It is. ;)

Out With The Bad, In With The Awesome!

2009-12-31T23:09:00.005-06:00

Yep... it's that time again! Freaking New Years Eve. Seriously... I think this is THE most high pressure holiday EVER. It's worse than Valentines Day even. You see people going to parties. You hear people talking about parties. And if you aren't going to some super fly party, then YOU are the biggest loser in the universe, clearly.

I can honestly admit that I am 39 years old, and I have YET to have a "wonderful" New Years. Don't get me wrong... my girls and I usually get beads and hats and blowers and poppers and make all kinds of junk food and dress up and watch the ball drop... even if it's just the 3 of us. But you know what I mean. I want that kind of New Years where I'm wearing a dress that I'm freezing in (have you ever noticed that womens New Years dresses are like seriously skimpy like summer dresses? And I'm sorry, but that little see through polyester wrap is NOT gonna warm me up any. But I'm rocking that dress. And I'm standing outside with a fabulous guy (Hey, wait. I know one of those right now. I think I'm ahead of the game!). And we're watching fireworks over some water (or God forbid, if I get my wish, we're at the beach, so I'm barefoot and sitting on a blanket with him by a big bonfire with friends. And the fireworks are going kablam. And the next thing you know, you're hearing the 10, 9, 8 countdown... then after 1, you feel his arms wrap tight around you and you get a phenomenal kiss.

Has that ever actually happened to ANYbody? That's like... Disney fairytale perfect. I don't expect that. I honestly don't even need that.

I'd be just as happy if our (his/her Brady style) kids were running around with their poppers and blowers and stuff, and he and I were sitting on the couch together in hoodies and normal clothes watching the ball drop and listening to some BAD music while waiting. And then when the midnight clock strikes... he leans over and gives me a super sweet kiss while the kids say "Ewwwww". Honestly, I'd be just as happy with that. But for whatever reason, I've never had that. I've been in relationships during New Years, obviously. But the guy just didn't give a rat's ass about moving 2 steps over to give me a kiss. Losers.

So it's another New Years Eve. And guess what I'm doing? I'm sitting in bed wearing a boy beater (more commonly known as a wife beater?), jeans, fluffy socks, and pink earbuds because my youngest is in bed with me watching some South Park. My oldest felt like she needed to lay down, so she and my furry GrandDogter are in her room.

Technically, I am seeing a great guy right now. But... he's having a rare lengthy visitation with his kid, and I told him at the very first of the week that it was really important to me that he spend as much time with them as possible. That we had plenty of time to be together and stuff. It's too early in our dating to drag our kids into it, so that means we just have to talk on the phone when we can... text a lot... and miss each other. Hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder. My heart's already pretty fond! But anyway... no smooch from him tonight. I'll make sure he makes it up to me asap. Hopefully THIS weekend. I might splode if I have to wait longer.

Anyway... I wish you ALL the most awesome year ever for 2010... which, by the way, I heard we were supposed to call "twenty ten" and not "two thousand ten". WTF? I'm rebellious. It makes me want to call it something different.
BUT... may all the troubles you had in 2009 be washed away and replaced with terrific memories in 2010. Most importantly... It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Have a Blessed 2010!

Q & A... Without The A

2009-12-30T18:33:00.002-06:00

1.) WHY do I pick THE most morbid, horrifying, God awful movies to watch?

2.) WHY can't I sleep nights anymore? I liked nights.

3.) WHEN will Saturday get here?!? *impatient*

4.) WHY do I bear the curse of being such a great gifter, yet have so little moneys??

5.) WHY did my brakes have to go wonky again?

6.) WHY can't I find a tolerable sound for text messages??

7.) WHY do animals like electric blankets so long, and why did it take me so long to get one?

8.)WHY is it that when you crave something sweet, there's never anything whatsoever in the house?

9.) WHY can't winter go away when Christmas does?

10.) WHY did I make this a blog post?

Can I Be Done Being Thankful For Awhile Now? Thanks.

2009-12-03T14:15:00.002-06:00

I know what I'm saying sounds horrible. It sounds mean and it sounds Grinch-like. But frankly, I'm tired right now. I'm tired of trying to find the good in every situation. I'm tired of plastering on that smile and tackling the world. The world has tackled ME, and I don't feel like getting up right now.

I've lived my life thinking, feeling, believing... that God loves me and has me in the palm of his hands and will never let me go. And no, I'm not questioning God right now. I just... I don't feel so secure in His grip.

Without going into details, one thing after another after another after another has fallen on my family's head. Things that I'd honestly say 98% of people don't EVER have to go through, we've gone through. And we continue to go through them. I know "everything is for a reason". I know that "God won't give you more than you can handle". I know all of this. And truly... I DO believe it. But goodness..... WHEN are we going to be able to exhale?!

It was so close. My cousin needed basically a housesitter for his vacant house. We were at the point of packing up boxes and moving in. And literally at the last stroke of the clock, we find out that he's changed his mind and it won't be happening. So all our hopes. All our dreams. All our happiness... it got crumbled into a ball and thrown across the floor. Normally, I do the mom thing where i plaster on that smile and talk about how it is all going to be okay... but right now, I don't even have THAT in me. It's gone. I feel like this shell of a person. I'm outsides, but I'm walking around with no insides. No guts. No heart. And it's the holidays! I'm letting myself be robbed of the most wonderful time of the year! I should NOT be doing this. I should be fighting tooth and nail to get my happy back. But my fight is GONE. Kaput.

And I don't know how to get it back....
I'm officially scared.

Decisions Decisions...

2009-11-27T01:55:00.004-06:00

Do I blog about the guy or the movie? Such a hard decision....
Guy!

Ok, so Mr. S. is away right now, like so many people, visiting family for Thanksgiving. The initial comment was, "There's NO reception there, so you probably won't hear from me until Sunday night when I get back in."
Ok... I can handle this. I mean, we're not serious. We've had one date, total. No big deal.
But I swear... when the time rolled around for when he normally called me in the daytime, I actually felt a little pit in my tummy from missing hearing his voice. For those who haven't heard this already... my mind is a constant whirlwind. This is a great thing when blogging or writing a book. It's not such a great thing when trying to chill out. Well, when I talk to him, he makes it all stop. It slows down. I have a normal feeling inside my head... or at least what I imagine to be normal. I like it. We also talk at night. That call can last anywhere from 3-6 hours. So I *knew* that if I missed my brief daytime call, I'd really miss that night call.
Well... he called me. He said he couldn't stand it anymore and went driving around town looking for bars (on his phone, not drinking) so he could call me. That was sweet.

Then something happened that made me "girl out". We all do it. If you're female, then you have "girled out" on at least one occasion. This is when you act absolutely abnormal for no reason whatsoever and blow things out of proportion and make things much more horrible than they actually are and usually end up looking bat shit crazy. Well yeah, I did that. See, I met him on a dating site. We've agreed that we're done "shopping". We're happy with each other. Not "forever and ever til death do you part, Amen" or anything. But right now, we want to focus on each other... spend time together... and if it works, super. If not, THEN we go back to shopping. Well, he has a tendency to use that site as email for me. Which... this does not work well, because I don't log in that often since I'm NOT shopping.

So last night, I log on to see if I have a msg from him and I see he's online. Wha? At 3 am? I quickly check my messages. None from him. Hrm. Okay. So I pull a sneaky maneuver and I message him as if I don't see he's online and I just check on how he and his daughter are doing, blah blah blah, I KIND of hint at the fact that I'm not looking for anybody else. And that if he is, that's fine, but 1.) I want to know so *I* can look too. And 2.) They won't treat him as good as I would (I made him his favorite chocolate chip cookies on our first date). Ok, I know I'm pushing my luck. But I NEED to know where I stand. I don't MIND where I stand... just let me know so I can move on or stand still. I'm good either way.

3 am and he's on there. No message to me. I see he's read my message (I love how they tell you if your message has been read, replied to, or deleted. He read mine, but did not reply.) This troubles me. He's on there for HOURS. What is he doing? Is he looking for more girls? I mean, why else would he be there? Maybe he's seeing that *I* am online and he's waiting to see what *I* am doing. So I log off for awhile. Then I pop back on. He's STILL THERE! You've got to be kidding me. WHY are you there???

So today I was kind of bummed. I mean, if he's shopping, fine. Just TELL ME so I can shop without feeling guilty. I've met many interesting men there. Some I'd like to pursue. But since we have this "thing" (whatever it is), I haven't. I stay in bummed mode trying to figure this out. He calls me. Yay, he's got bars. He says he notices I was on the site last night at 3 am and asked if I was really there. I said "Yes, I sent you a message. " He said "I know! I sent you one right back and just sat there for hours messing with my phone trying to get it to work and waiting to hear back from you, but I didn't. "

I said "I didn't get ANY msg from you...."
This really upset him. He said, "Well... what did you think I was DOING there? Oh God. You're a girl. You thought I was looking for other girls. Baby, I am so sorry. I don't WANT to look for other girls. I WANT to get to know YOU more and that's IT right now. I feel like such a jackass. I sat there with my phone in my hand wanting to call you, but I was afraid the site was glitching and I didn't want to wake you up. I mean it was 3 am. "

I said "Yeah, I almost called you, but I didn't want to look like crazy stalker girl who says "I see you online!! *calls*", because that's not ME. But it was driving me nuts trying to figure out WHY you were there.

So we had a good laugh about our goofiness and agreed that in the future, should this happen, we will call each other. Because the ONLY reason we're there is to talk to each other in the first place.

He walked down his parents' driveway in the -30 degree weather to get some bars and called me. Kept shifting hands to keep from freezing. (Why can't guys hold the phone with their shoulder like girls do??) We talked forever. Made plans for the near future. Made plans for next summer. Who knows, they may fall through. The next date may be the last. But right now... he feels comfortable. He makes me feel safe. And safe isn't something I come by easily.

Oooh I can merge into the movie now. The girls and I went to see New Moon today... the second movie in the Twilight series. There was a moment in the movie that made me think so much of Mr. S. that I found myself pulling my phone out of my purse and just handling it, even though I knew I couldn't/wouldn't call from the theater. Jacob is a werewolf (sorry if that spoiled it for you. Haha!) and he's always very warm... like a fever. Mr. S. is the same way. He always runs slightly over 100. So as you can imagine, he's very nice to snuggle up against. Well, Bella had just been pulled from the ocean and saved by Jacob, but was obviously freezing and he pulled her against him so his heat would help her. He asked "Do I feel like a werewolf?" and she replied "No... you feel like Jacob. Like you have your very own sun. "

That's a nice way to look at it. Mr. S. has his very own sun.

Anyway, if you want something not too heavy... not too sappy... not too Christmassy (I still want to see Scrooge in 3D)... I strongly recommend this movie. Even if you're not a Twilight fan... her books and movies don't run hand in hand... just similar. And all I can say is... as a 39 year old woman, I left with a very satisfied feeling about the movie. I loved the way they portrayed the Volturi Clan of vampires. Totally loved the way they cast the wolf pack. I loved how bad Edward looked after his time away from Bella (just as she looked bad). I love how natural her "friends" at school are... they're very real. Just like my own friends that I had in high school. Whether you're rooting for Team Edward, Team Jacob, or if you're like me and really don't give a care in the world... this was still an enjoyable movie.

Peace Out! Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful day with your families. I know I did. xoxo

My Tree Will Be Up SO Soon...

2009-11-25T00:08:00.003-06:00

Over the next few days, we're shampooing the carpets and moving the small things into the house. Then we'll worry about finding someone to help with the big things. I typically decorate the tree the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I'll still be moving, so I'll decorate AFTER everything's moved in. Might not be in the best place, or it's final place, but it'll be moved in.

I wish I could describe to you the amount of peace I feel about this move. A lot of people don't get it. Well... they don't have to "get it". They can just trust that I am doing the right thing and probably giving the best Christmas gift not only to myself, but to 2 teens and my mother as well. Tomorrow I have a meeting regarding getting some housing assistance. That will be a relief. I'm so glad I checked the calendar. I had NO idea it was tomorrow. I'll be busting my hiney to get there in time, and my clothes are laid out. Cute clothes, for that matter.

You know, about 15 years ago, I had to have housing assistance and the man interviewing me said "Well, if you didn't spend so much money on clothes, you'd probably not need assistance with rent.".
I was livid.
I stood up and from my underwear to my coat, told him where I bought everything and how much it cost. I guarantee you the total was less than his socks. I happen to be a shopping ninja. Tomorrow's outfit is adorable... looks pricey... but between us, the hat and sweater and shoes are all from thrift. The jeans I've had forever. The bra/undies combo was $5 (Gotta love Ebay... I got six sets of those!) So trust me, I'm ready for somebody to just SAY something about my clothes.

You can BE broke as a joke, but that doesn't mean you have to go around LOOKING LIKE IT. Sorry, but it breaks enough of my pride to ask for help. I refuse to go slumping around in sweat pant bottoms and a big man's tee. That's just not ME. I might live in a box, but it'll be a cutely decorated box and I'll have on nice clothes. The rest of the world can think what they wish.

I pissed some people off today. Not about this meeting. Totally different subject I'd rather not touch on. I have to say... it really showed the character of one of the people. Told me I had made the right decision.

I'm ready to dig through Christmas boxes and have Thing1 taking pics and playing our weird Christmas carols and just... having fun. Lately, it's seemed like fun was banned from our world. All our traditions. All the things we normally did... suddenly weren't allowed anymore. My kids and I have missed them a lot. It'll take a bit for us to realize we CAN do these things again, but when we do... watch out Boondocks. It's gonna be a FUN EXPLOSION!!

Prince or Frog?

2009-11-22T23:36:00.003-06:00

In my new dating quest, I've run into quite a few characters... I've met some doozies. And THESE were the ones that passed the "they're not bad" test. So you can imagine the ones that I tossed back into the pond. I'd tell you about them, but they're going in one of my books I'm working on. Don't wanna reveal to much, because while I don't have a regular fanbase, I do have regular readers and I don't want my ideas all out there until I get my book written.

Well tonight, I had a very iffy moment. I'll tell you about a past date. His name was P. No, not really. But his first initial is. P was very affectionate and touchy feely (not in a gropey sort of way, but in the Goldilocks "just right" way). Then when he left, he was hugging me tight and wouldn't let me go. I actually ASKED for a good night kiss (Ok, I said "So are you gonna kiss me goodnight or am I going to go crazy?). He said he didn't kiss on the first date. He's 39. But he broke his rule because "he really wanted me to know how interested he was in me" and I got 2 pecks on the lips. Pecks. Be still my heart. As a grown ass woman, I'd like more, thank you ever so kindly.

So anyway, we were at the same place as with P... eating and shooting pool and talking and he suddenly said, "Do you mind if we have a change of plans? Do you mind if we skip the drive in, because for one... it's a kids' movie, but also, it'll put me getting home really late and I really am enjoying talking to you and I don't want to stop. " Hesitantly, I told him that was fine. Whatever he wanted to do. So we drive home and are in the truck. He grabs my hand and starts rubbing it. Gooood sign. But I catch myself staring at his lips. You gotta understand. I'm dangerous right now. I've not had any action in forever, and I just wanted to kiss his face off. Just as I was giving up hope (he was talking about leaving), he ASKED my permission to kiss me. I said "YES. Actually I was going crazy trying not to ask YOU!". So he leaned over and gave me the first kiss since jumping back into the dating pool where I didn't feel like I needed to give lessons to. It was not just "okay"... it was downright enjoyable. YAY! I didn't want to stop kissing him. He said something about a next date (I was in kind of a kissing fog) and I said "You wanna see me again? Really?" and he laughed at me and said "WHY would I not???" Well... to be honest, I've heard THAT before, and so while I am happy and hopeful right NOW... I'm definitely not putting all my eggs in my basket with this guy. Don't get me wrong... I won't be seeing anybody else or anything. But I'm just... unsure. I'm sure next time we go out I'll be much more sure. :)

Anyway, I kissed a couple of frogs to get to what's hopefully my prince. I'm anxious to get his call when he gets home safe and sound. I'll know more just hearing his voice than anything.

L8er Sk8ers! (I always wanted to type that! Hahah!

Balancing the Scales

2009-11-03T14:07:00.003-06:00

I've said it so many times, I'm surprised I haven't tattooed it onto my body. "Things are going to get better".
Now, I've never been able to answer the "How??"s.
Or the "WHEN????"s.
But I just know. I know because... well okay I'll just spit it out. I *am* a Christian. And even though my behavior may not always reflect it like it should, I am strong in my faith. And God and I have talked plenty. Believe me...

They say (who are "they"?... anyway) They say that He allows you to be knocked to your knees, sometimes your face, because that's the only time you look up and ask for His help. And that's so true in my case, and NOT something I'm proud of. It's like how you're putting something together and you only look at the instruction manual as a last resort. Jesus should not be the last resort. He should be the FIRST resort. The FIRST place we come when we're lost, alone, confused, whatever. But... we are human and we err. Some of us err more than others. So... I believe He let me fall flat on my face to where there was no place left BUT for me to pick up my instruction manual and ask for His help. Asking for help wasn't good enough. I had to turn it completely over to Him and trust that He would meet all of our needs.

I always knew He knew what was going on... and I trusted He'd not let me fall too far. But damn,Gina. I got pretty close there to the edge. And just before I toppled over, He grabbed the back of my pants (they're really loose thanks to swine flu!) and He pulled me back to safety.

So all the bad. All the horrible. All the things we have been dealing with... they aren't gone yet. They'll never be erased. But we have our light at the end of the tunnel. We have, what appears to be, a pretty darn definite place to move into before THANKSGIVING even (Hell, I'd be thrilled with before Christmas!). The girls and I are SO excited we could pee our pants.

On top of THAT amazing news... I got my first REAL life PAYING writing gig. The first of many,I assure you. I'll give you more details on that later. I don't want your head to asplode (Homestarrunner.com) from goodness.

And now, I am going to go make myself a delicious soda. I am le thirsty. (Like my French?)

Loves,
- L

Right Now I'm Solo, But That Will Be Changing Eventually...

2009-10-30T18:26:00.004-05:00

It may be sad when at age 39 you can summarize your life with an Ashlee Simpson song (Autobiography). Haha! It's true though.
It was weird. I was listening to my phone.

Hrm, that statement alone probably earns explanation.

My ride has no radio, so I use one of those one ear headphones with the microphone to talk in if I get a call? So yes,I be jammin' as I drive.

Anyway, I hadn't updated my songs in forever (except to add the newest Foo just to give it a listen) and I heard so many OLD songs, but I heard SO many songs that I was like "DUDE, that's ME!". And no, they weren't all by teen girls, which is probably my only salvation at this point.

Anyway, here's what I have to say. I've been "wifey" for so many years of my life. Crappy years. I don't think it's wrong that I want to enjoy dating. I don't mean "Hey, I want to be a ho!". Not at all. But... I don't see anything wrong with seeing different people before "settling down" with one. I mean, it's already a given that my girls are number 1, forever and always. And yes, when the next man that I deem worthy to join our lives comes in, he'll be such a close #2, it won't even seem like a 2... I'm not a bitch. But... I'm in no hurry for it. I don't NEED to be with somebody to be okay. Maybe the old L did... but this one's grown up a bit, I think.

Although, let's be frank, you sure can't tell it by what I wore out of the house today. I swear... I wasn't kidding when I say "I wear what I feel like wearing". Today, I felt like wearing a black boybeater. My boobs were doing some crazy, very prominent things. Jeans. Black flip flops. Sounds ok so far aside from the fact that it's kinda cold outside for just a beater. So... how do *I* remedy this? Why I put on my Gryffindor House beanie and matching scarf, of course!

I looked like a 12 year old wizard... with boobs.

Most embarrassing moment today?
Had to go to my doc for reg checkup. She says "Oh, you look so cute! What school are those colors for? I don't recognize them."
Me: "Scuse me? What do you mean?"
Her: "Your scarf and hat... what college are those for?"
Me: "*long pause* Ummmmmmmm..... man...... it's Harry Potter. Gryffindor House!"

I thought she was going to pee herself laughing. I had to do my own scales because she couldn't stand upright. *SIGH*

I'm f'ing glad I amused you. Can we get on with the exam now? Now that I've been stripped of ANY pride whatsoever?

Clean Slates

2009-10-28T10:20:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we all reach a point in our lives where we need a GIANT eraser to get rid of the past and start anew. This is my time. Sorry for the 30 entries that were just deleted without my even reviewing them. I had neglected this blog for awhile. I'll try to do better now. Pinky swear.

Loves,

- L