Things They Don't Teach You In Kindergarten

• A man in a toque (don't you DARE call it a "beanie" unless you're rocking a propeller on top of that baby) is always hotter than a man NOT in a toque. I think this is unfair. I don't have anything so simple that I can throw on that makes me 10x hotter, instantly. UNFAIR.
  
• Some men can be the biggest babies. I'm aware that we women have our fair share of moments. But come on. Save the hissy fit for something more important than me forgetting which town you live in when I've NEVER spoken to you and we've only exchanged, "Hey"s. I thought WE were supposed to be the more sensitive sex.
• I wish men automatically understood that so many things that they consider "flaws" with themselves, SOME girls actually see those quirks as positive things and would never EVER consider them a flaw.
  
• Put a musical instrument in a man's hands and he grows 5x hotter. If he knows what to DO with that instrument... 10.
• I'd rather get a fancy pants bookmark, because my guy notices how much I read, rather than a heart shaped diamond necklace, because my guy saw it in the weekly flier.
• My oldest child just turned 18 today, and while most of me rejoices with her, at her newfound adulthood... there's a part of me that feels like my heart's been ripped out and stomped on. And I'm not ashamed to say so.
• There's a time and a place for hardcore medication. Only you know when you're at that point. Nobody else. So y'all that are the "everybody else"... either be quiet or I will throw bottles of wussy Tylenol at you until you do.
• A best friend... a TRUE best friend... will do literally ANYTHING in the name of love and friendship. She's probably seen as much of your body as your guy has (and no, I don't mean in a 3 way. Go live your own fantasy. That one isn't mine.) When you say "I want a hot dog" at 7 am, she doesn't give you any crap about it... she just makes you a hot dog and prepares for any possible aftermath (but there never is any). She'll fix you beverage after beverage just trying to find the magical ONE thing that you can swallow and not throw up and will attempt to keep you hydrated and out of the hospital by saying encouraging things like, "Your hair looks awful. Don't you wanna wash it first?" "How long has it been since you painted your nails? They're all chipped!" "Do you even OWN matching pajamas? Because I can't find any!" Those 3 phrases will make any female attempt to keep as much liquid in her as possible to avoid the horrors of the hospital.